Some days it’s all I can do to just step outside my door. Because really, I don’t want to step outside my door. I’d rather stay inside. Keep the world in it’s place and me in mine. My mind can easily handle the solitude that comes adjoined with my tiny apartment. I am used to the quiet.
Yet, my mind still craves life. The sounds of life. The smells of life. So I open my front door-- inwards to the apartment. I push on the screen door-- outwards to the world. I stand there. Is it enough? Can I hear anything? Can I smell anything? No.
One step forward. Another step forward. I’m out! And I am free! Even for a few moments-- I am free from my suffocation. I stand upright. I breathe in and out deeply. I look. I listen. I smell a neighbor’s fireplace, some fresh cut grass, exhaust from an old car down the street.
And then, I sigh. Step one foot backwards into my apartment. The second foot back into my apartment. Close the screen door. Close the front door. Then find myself in the quiet solitude of my apartment again. Yet it feels less suffocating. More alive now. I hear the animals outside now.
Maybe I’ll open the door and step outside again. Later today perhaps.
'Til next time,
Arla
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